I was stuck in that ka-loop of when the dick is good but it’s attached to a demon.

Shida ingine pia is that, I’m always horny-  so huyu jamaa knew that as long as he was laying mad pipe, the only place I was going was back to my house to cry about sharing him with his tu-girls alafu the next day mimi huyoooo, kama boomerang, back with my legs wide open. – WE THANK GOD FOR GROWTH.

With this one, at that moment, I could have sworn I was in love, kama si kamuti that is: dis nigga once had me and his momma on call with his side piece ati asking her why she doesn’t respect the relationship…! Manze nashangaa sana why I was so okay with embarrazzzing myself because the moment I picked up that call was when I should have realized how dumb that shit is. In my defense, I didn’t know better ! It took a million interventions, the blood of a green virgin hen and, the Pandora’s box – where Luo men hide their single lifetime attempt pass at being loyal in class 6 before they get their first heartbreak, for me to return to my senses…But that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, so hii riba ni about the day I finally opened my eyes. Ilikua ni kama nimerogwa and I couldn’t explain why tbh… I don’t think that’s what love is supposed to feel like, but, what do I know!

My friends were tired of listening to my problems by this time but a girl still had to do what a girl had to do – get that dick and keep it from them to avoid judgement (read as correction). I was already trying to talk myself out of the shame I was about to subject myself to but manze sikua nimelearn kucontrol teki. It had been a couple of weeks since I had decided to begin the ‘ no contact’ rule na although my heart was aching, I was really proud of myself for staying committed thus far. I cannot say the same for my vagina though; she has a mind of her own. Nilikua najua vizuri that I needed to stay strong but kutu haijui makasiriko – I had to react. Inafikanga point unapiga mapunyeto mpaka utamu inaisha, kama huwezi relate basi, good for you.

XX

I was happy when my call went through because huyu jamaa, his life was like a movie; numbers different kama pinji and, he legit never had a phone. This helped the fact that I was trying my best to finally move on from him. He also never had a permanent maskani, always hopping houses so kupatana ilikua pia ni by chance- yet I still decided to trust him each damn time. Siku moja remind me to tell you guys a story about how he would lie about spending over at a friend’s, kumbe the whole time I was dropping him off at my helper’s abode. I’m still laughing at myself too.

Nikiwaambia I stay single because of zile vituko nimeonyeshwa hii Nairobi, please understand and let me be .

He picked my call  and told me where he was, which was awesome because coincidentally, my friends and I were headed out to the same place. Okay, I’ll admit that it wasn’t a coincidence, champe alikua anakesha hio spot like a bar fly and I knew exactly where to find him but remember, none of my friends would hear any of that, walikua wamechorea kuni- enable and looking back at things now, I can see how crazy I looked. A big shout out to my friends for never giving up on me!!!

XX

We got home extremely drunk and I was ready to explode with orgasms. I was actually anticipating some bombass sex, mostly because, y’know, I was ‘in love’ and horny. Boychild alikua amechana for most part of his day na ata taxin alitema just because alijua ntakubali akuje kugwara. I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t needed him to use his mouth, angenidishi akiendelea kuchana. all the signs were there, I was just blind to this shit.

He rinsed his mouth in the sink and returned to the living room then switched off the lights, nikajua leo ni ku-diambo. He pulled me closer to him on the couch and eventually got me on top of him, tukipigana tu mate mdogomdogo. I was already dripping wet when he moved his hand right up my dress and in between my thighs where the warmth awaited him. I reached for my phone to start my sex playlist to set the mood but the whole situation felt a little odd to me from the get-go. Kuma ilikua inataka lakini akili inasema no, I didn’t understand the repulsion.

I had been plotting for a while about how that would be the last time he was ever going to touch me, convincing myself that it was for the closure I needed, the infamous ‘ one last time’. I know it sounds mean but kumdishi then kumghost was the only way to deal with the situation, I wouldn’t let any other man see me naked so I really had no options, it had to be him and besides, he’d been lying about wanting to fix things so nilijua atakuja, it would be a win for both ends…

 As mandem was caressing me whilst trying to get undressed, I was still attempting to  be comfortable around him. I had been intimate with him for about a couple of years so naturally, I couldn’t understand what was happening. I was so used to yearning for him and my body automatically submitting to his touch but all I could feel was disgust. No sooner had we begun than had I felt the strongest gush of revolt, even from madam vagina who had been complaining day and night for some mjulubeng. He switched to get on top of me by placing me on the couch, on my back, then proceeded to try and eat me out but bado, nothing.

I started getting worried but I let him continue, my fake moaning had got louder by then but I was willing to go on for a few more minutes, I wanted that nut.

I had zoned out for a few minutes when I realized he had asked me whose pussy this was.

I was without an answer, just like him. My solution was of course, to increase the intensity and volume of my moaning because apparently, he had been inside me for a min. I was getting bored and it started to finally dawn on me that I was over him. I was done. I was finally as emotionally detached towards him as a dead doornail.

Whose pussy? The audacity!

Of course, he expected the response to be his name or whatever but can I just say that he was asking me this boldly, with his shoes still on. In fact, he had only pulled his pants down a little bit- just enough for his dick to be out. Alikua amevaa mpaka jacket bado.

I stood up to get off the couch when he pulled me back, demanding that I take his dick like a naughty  girl. Manze the only place I wanted to take his dick was back to the streets where it belonged … I shrugged and moved to the bean bag on the floor, hoping that maybe a change in positions would help the situation but still, I just wasn’t feeling him. He seemed to be enjoying himself and for a sec and I got jealous. I didn’t have it in my heart to send him away that late in the night, this had panned out so differently in my head but here we were, a bored gyal under a horny boi. He decided to take his clothes off.

An  hour or so into it, I had to keep reminding myself to keep up with the sighs and moans up until I thought about reaching down to feel his dick because sasa I was convinced that my attitude towards him wasn’t the main problem.

He was soft.

The whole damn time I couldn’t feel him inside me; it was because he couldn’t even get hard, then it hit me. Anytime this jamaa would chana his jaba, I had to be understanding of the fact that he couldn’t really even promise me the best three minutes of my life- tukienda sana.

I wanted to cry. Real tears of regret.  Yaani, nilibreak process ya kumove on for this shit? I kentevenbilivit.

I couldn’t conceal my disappointment anymore so I reached over for my phone to turn off my precious music, he must have thought I was switching to doggie because he still tried to get on me. My mind was already made up though, we had spent so much time and I didn’t have any more to waste.

“I think we should sleep, I’m exhausted and tipsy,” I said, knowing damn well pombe zangu zilikua zimeshuka and I just wanted to hurry up so I could go hide to wank – I was determined to get my nut, with or without him.

“ But babe, just a little more…” he kept asking as I walked away to go clean myself up. Nilikua nanuka jaba, sweat ya huyo msee na KC Coco at this point, I just needed a looooooooongass shower and a fat dildo to correct my disappointment.

“ Baby can we have a threesome with your friend?…” he went on.

A threesome? With that ‘GRAND FINALE’ ?? (in my head I definitely knew that this would be the last time he would ever see me again, let alone see me naked). Surely, it wasn’t enough that he had single-handedly managed to bore me to near-death, but he wanted my friends to experience the dismal performance too? This was all I needed to believe that he really didn’t give a shit about me; my embarrassment was a non-issue to him.

XX

It was at about midnight when I asked him to leave. I knew which girl’s house he was going to next so I knew he’d be safe plus, it was only right that I released him – the night was still young, he still had a good chance at attempting to mbao for her instead.

XX

A lot of people ask me about how I knew when the right time for me to move on came… this, my friends, was it!  I had tolerated a lot of bullshit but the death of our sexual attraction was the last nail on the head.

I went to bed, deleted and blocked mandem everywhere, mpaka I marked his email as spam, then flicked the bean a goodu-one. Ile usingizi ilifuata, only sleeping beauty can relate.

XX

A couple of weeks after that, I met Ethan…

This was how I ushered in my 2018: https://loveandorgasms.com/started-my-2018-with-a-bang-literally/

In case you don’t know who Ethan is, take a look here : https://loveandorgasms.com/he-did-de-fuckin-ting/

Model : Robertta B.

By @Branley K. https://instagram.com/_ylenarb?igshid=wvu864pnp3i4 /

@Christian W. https://instagram.com/_wabuti?igshid=kthqqw76jqmn

Other images courtesy of .

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