Have you guys been having sex?

Like, regular sex? Because it seems like ni mimi tu niko kwenye ukame. It’s been so long mpaka hii celibacy karibu niifanyie birthday. The next time a nigga I like say my name, I might just buss .

I’m asking because nashangaa tu, where are you getting people worthy of your genitals touching in this city- in a whole panoramic? Okay okay, I ask this yet I never leave my room, as if I’m expecting to meet a new nigga in my bed. That would be extremely ideal though, if a man I’m sexually attracted to magically  appeared and decided to give me consistent pipe and no stress,  how perfect! Nowadays all y’all give me is panic attacks, not even butterflies. 

This celibacy wasn’t really a choice at first, if you know me then you know my ideal situation is to be somewhere away from everybody, choking on dick all day and getting told sweet things, but here I am – extremely horny, exhausted from chasing the bag and deprived of any emotional attention. Fuck capitalism.

It started off as me being disgusted by meaningless sex, to actually realising that men only talk to me because they perceive me as a sex symbol – which we have already established is okay for me as long as they know that’s all im willing to be any way. No touching, but you can stare. Setting high standards that are directly proportional to exactly what I intend to reciprocate because I know I deserve just that, has helped lock out these men, the type that intend to waste my time with boring sex and promises of nothing. Hawafiki bei!!

A month turned into a couple more and here I am now, zero memories, zero flashbacks, just vibes and InshaAllah, it’s so bad mpaka I wank to a faceless man. I’m not complaining about the lack of sekete in my life, I’m just wondering, why doesn’t anyone tell you how lonely it gets when you know what you want? Being ignorant was kinda fun though, the toxic shit was bussin’ when it lasted.

I was thinking about the days my girls would do that ride or die thing for their boyfriends at the trap – cook for the squad and stay days with only tap water and weed meanwhile at their father’s house everything was provided for. I’m mentioning this scenario because it was never backed up with any respect in the end and if you guessed that these girls never got picked anyway, you guessed right. The boys always ‘upgraded’ to hotter and wayy richer girls who didnt know a thing about slaving in the bando for boys that don’t know about deodorant.   I’m grateful I never got to the stage where I get introduced to the boys and had to cook for them to show that I’m a good and worthy girlfriend or some shit like that hahaha, ‘ Our boy has never been in love like this’ and other stories hahaha

I have stories of me clowning about my money though, I’ve been with someone that completely depended on me financially, at 20, yet I wasn’t even making bank. I have PTSD from this situation. I turn people down when they do not meet my expectations because I’d rather be alone and happy than have to settle and complain everyday after I’ve caught feelings and it’s much harder to leave.  I’ve seen my girls get done dirty while spending immensely on men that always made them feel like trash, meanwhile I’ve always been convinced that men who don’t adore me are not for me – what would I need one for? I can do everything for myself except eat my pussy. Why would any man think it’s okay to remove me from my comfort to go struggle with him? For what life lessons? because I already know that I do not like poverty or hard work. I mean, would you accept if roles were reversed? I know for sure you’d love the security too if it were handed to you on a silver platter, so why are you okay with dating broke girls yourself?

I love comfort and luxury, two things I didn’t necessarily always have growing up and maybe that’s why it is important to me to have unlimited access. I will not struggle in labour, especially intentionally- btw ata ushago nobody bothers to ask me to help with any chores, I’m the ‘slay queen’ , I hear them laugh about how I wouldn’t let my nails get ruined and how bugs scare me but honestly ata wewe, unaeza taka kuitwa saa ya kuosha matumbo ? Actually all I’m ever required to do at family functions is look pretty and take pictures. It doesn’t help that I hail from a greatly chauvinistic region in my country and I’m always seen as crazy for going against the stupid expectations they have of women. How dare I go against the norm and sit with my brothers and father having a beer as the rest of the women slave away in the kitchen , or that one time we were on vacation and I wore sexy bikinis all the time so it made the older ladies uncomfortable and I was asked to dress up before my dad saw me?

XX

I believe that women should be worshipped by men, women just don’t realise this yet. A whole god gracing the earth with her presence but has been made to hate herself so much that she doesn’t see how she IS LIFE. That’s why most settle for anything, we’re never even told that we have the power to procreate with whoever we choose and we don’t have to choose anybody, reduced to objects of sex and victims of internalized misogyny all round. 

Gifts and love. A woman should know nothing but love. 

XX

Every time I point out that I cannot date a broke guy, there’s always that one person that wants to test my opinion with disrespect or just mocking questions about why I want to stay in my father’s house forever.

It confuses me why they assume that is the worst that could ever happen to me. There’s food and wifi, bills are paid and I get to save my own money plus I’m loved. Wouldn’t that be convenient for you too? Wouldn’t you want that as well? I mean, that’s why you marry women that accept to go 50/50 with you on the bills so you can cruise easier as she still takes care of your children and holds the fort down right? Miss me with that. I bet you mad bucks if our grandmoms and the women before them had financial freedom and rights like we do now, they wouldn’t have stayed to be taken fi eediat too. This is for the comments about how skuizi hakuna wife material. 

In my world where I see myself as a Goddess, all that is expected of me is to exude beauty and sex appeal while being the most comfortable I can ever be. I am wanted and loved in the right way and all potential suitors would pay to drink my bath water. I miss the days when men would at least pretend to care and go out in the rain to sing and beg for chances with us, the effort was better than nothing. Skuizi you lot are turned on by ‘ niggas who smell good’ and that’s why the bar is in hell, no manners or effort to woo you, they treat you like something they use to masturbate then meet women like me and expect to bring that nonsense over here too. Others think they’ll smash because they invited you over to smoke up. Sigh

Now, before you attack me with ‘ no wonder you are single’ understand that these men exist , and they beg me for such opportunities all the time but still they don’t make the cut! How’s that for context?? 

I don’t get why you want me to wash dishes when you can pay a maid or do it yourself and when I say I won’t, you get mad instead of dating a girl that will comfortably wash those dishes and even your carpet and curtains, just not me? I mean, I wouldn’t expect you to come over to my house and do the dishes?? What is this obsession of going for girls that do not consider you their type even, then trying your damnedest to humble them?

I try to make it clear because at this point in my life, I already know what I want and I feel like people should go for their preferences instead of settling, ama? 

I’ve dated different guys… I’ve dated a broke one too. I guess this is where my definition comes in so you can understand better what I mean, and why I hardly feel like anyone deserves me, rather the honour of being in my presence as a lover just yet. Broke to me means someone that lacks and is comfortable with their state ( which is still an okay thing to do if that’s how you roll) , not someone that has nothing left after paying all their bills, that’s different but I still wouldn’t date that either. The kind of guys I’m talking about lack stability and have their priorities all wrong, zero planning for the future as well as a lack of motivation and ambition. They have a broke mindset, broke emotions too. Patriarchy only applies to them when it comes to making women work as hard or ‘harder’ than men, but never providing or protecting as much as they should be. Things were different when they had to go out to wars and build houses from scratch then come home and expect to be taken care of but honestly rn why would I want to be led by someone that’s so blind? What do I gain? Are these the men we’re asked to submit to?? 

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve all been here at some point for whatever reason but, can you say you were at your best for any sort of romantic relationship then, when you couldn’t afford anything? You women are better than me for always wanting to build from ground up with men. I’m good with meeting someone that’s working on themselves already because aki I’m doing the same and wouldn’t want to pretend I’m about to play mommy. My views would still be the same if we lived in a garden, naked. I would still expect to be adored in stones by romantic suitors if that’s what was used as a currency because I can’t have it any other way. I think and feel very highly of myself. 

Please don’t misinterpret this to mean that poor people don’t deserve love, i’m not even talking about them. 

I’ve gone bankrupt before because I liked a boy, this actually happens to a lot of women, even those older – I see this a lot in my estate where most women are the breadwinners and still homemakers, they probably think being a ‘strong black woman’ is the best compliment they’ll ever receive. Their lovely husbands of 25 years do nothing but cheat and get drunk. This is a marriage. 

I agree that we were younger and definitely dumber, hence my expectations were a bit lower and maybe that’s why I agreed to date them in the first place. I’d pay for everything, which eventually ended up teaching me that I had no business being in such a situation with my bank account looking the way it did, and that to make my lover feel wanted and loved, I’m gonna have to have the means. Don’t want my boyfriend posting ‘ God when?’ on Twitter about a burger meal.

Mostly, I want mandem to have financial stability for himself more than it is for me and the kind of security I desire. I want him to love himself enough before he can think about me and the best ways to care for yourself unfortunately require money. I don’t want to live a life of splitting anything ever again because if I can do it then I’m probably not going to need you, why would you need me to come split bills if you can do it on your own too anyway? I don’t want your money, it is for you boo. Ama you enjoy being sent to collect jackets from the car? 

Men with financial freedom do not care about you being a gold digger, they relish in the idea of being able to provide as you nurture and stay in your feminine energy. They will never ask about what you bring to the table because they understand the ways in which you hold the table- how YOU ARE the table, plus he gets the privilege to fuck you and be seen with you, how grand? They can say there’s many other pussies that they can fuck with, but honestly why would I want you if that’s what you want? Where will they find one that’s YOU? Where will you find another ROBERTTA BOBBIE??? LOL Whatever I bring to the table is going to be experienced by whoever gets a chance to sit at the table, everything else is noise from men and ‘pick me’s ‘ who would give anything to experience good things too, they just aren’t bold enough to go for what they really want. They romanticize suffering and struggle and they want you to join them too!

These same guys wouldn’t dare date an ‘ugly’ girl, in fact, they’re only kind to girls they consider bangable. So,  what happens when it comes to looks and ‘loving them for what’s on the inside’ ? 

Give that ‘0’ a chance Abednego, cuz she might be a very good person on the inside, just like how you have zero dollars in your bank account, and you are a ‘very good person’ on the inside.

Men want us to lower our standards but they will not lower theirs, ever! Do not let anyone manipulate you into changing your mind about that security that is extremely important to you. 

I’m aware that everybody’s journey is different and life can change at any point however, that does not change what I intend to accommodate in my life in the name of a relationship . I’m gonna get exactly what I want and so should you. 

Being NOT BROKE is  just the bare minimum for us to love each other better, in my own experience. It is not the only requirement, but definitely something I look out for. Plus the money turn me on, it’s just something ‘bout how that cash look …

I’m not going to ask for your money, but be sure as hell nobody’s coming into my life to bring about the spirit of brokenness and confusion. If I ever decide to date anyone, I’mma let them be the man because this isn’t even supposed to be a gender war, because I’d very much like to be the lady. 

In conclusion, Broke boys don’t deserve no pussy. At least not mine, I have a dildo for that. But y’all be safe though. 

A.O. B: Chungeni sana kwa sababu broke boys will make you pregnant very easily, pia, that dick demonic. save yourself.

Photography : https://instagram.com/sobukwenonkwe?igshid=d82nh5f0jx5h

Model: Robertta Bobbie

Get your Hu$tle Bags 💰💰 from https://instagram.com/hustle_products?igshid=50803511t828

I finally got round to compiling a sex playlist off of your suggestions on Twitter but hii tuseme tu ni ya love-making, I hope you enjoy! Mimi as usual I’ll use it to wash dishes at my father’s house, put in an extra nut for me though! sexy time 😉 It starts off slow but builds as you go, feel free to skip to where itakubamba! 

Here’s how things ended with the last time I dated a broke guy – https://loveandorgasms.com/afasali-singepanua/

I’m so glad we had this discussion on playing wifey at a man’s house https://youtu.be/vTVlB3xImLo

Also, no nyama choma joints on the first date?? https://youtu.be/V_wVFEIRUig

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