I recently joined a dating app because I needed to satisfy my curiosity as well as to get a dose of dopamine badly that night. Yes, dopamine from being wanted. I’m tired of pretending like this isn’t a normal thing because I believe it is inherently human to feel needed and loved, sometimes even if it is fake, it still gets the job done!

I can’t say that it is entirely loneliness that led me to do this, but it’s probably part of the equation-the feminine urge to seek out the masculine for companionship. I’m not lonely in a ‘I don’t have anyone to talk to’ kind of way, more like a ‘Romantic love cannot be replaced with self-love, platonic or familial relationships because it is just as important and stands alone’ way.

Companionship ama romance? Ama ni dick? I don’t know, I’m not sure because the more I throw myself out there, the more I feel like my person will just find me and I shouldn’t really be looking. I joined because one of my friends mentioned it so many times and I finally gave in, we promised to stop hiding and abandon the mystery for a while to see what might come out of it. I always joke about probably ending up with the maintenance guy or delivery guy if I keep hiding in my house. But it’s just so much safer here, nobody ogling at my body just to treat me like a piece of meat. Plus, there’s always tea and snacks and my cat Dodi. It’s a hard bargain to get me to leave or make me present myself to the world for any sort of perception.

It’s funny because any time I immerse myself in self and work/creating – which means I completely abandon this need, this intrinsic need to be fucked na loved on by a capable man, they start to look for me themselves, why? Why when I am focusing on important things and I finally stop wanting y’all, you are passing between my interview? 

It must mean something right? A test perhaps? That I need to chill and relax? Or maybe I need to travel. Maybe the man who will fuck me till I combust spontaneously isn’t even in Nairobi. That’s something my friend says to me a lot…

Maybe I’ve been doing this whole dating thing wrong. For instance, a few minutes ago before I sat to write this article, I texted another one of my friends to tell her that I just wasn’t feeling this dating site thing. She took one look at my profile and said it was because I was presenting as SEXY. 

The site is crowded with millionaire men and that was my first question… all these handsome rich men looking for long term relationships on an app? Really? Okay. 

So then, how come almost all of them would bring up sex as soon as they could?!

Is it that they googled me and loveandorgasms.com popped up first?  What is it about me that always screams ‘ I LOVE TO FUCK’ even before I open my mouth? Truth is, I do be lovin to shag, but I don’t do it outside of commitment, so why me? It’s frustrating and annoying. Maybe I chose this life, but heeeeeeeyyyyyyy, I’m a human being who loves other things beyond sex, like kindness, friendship, love….

Also, why is it that when I bring up money, they vamoose. I thought it should be fair game. You make me uncomfortable; I make you uncomfy too.

My friend advised to dim the sexiness a notch; to present as cute and flirty and fun instead because it would make me more approachable for cute stuff instead of sex. It worked. Everybody wants to take me on a date now instead of bend me over immediately they see me. It’s funny how I have been moving through life without this realization; just how radical my sex appeal is.

I started taking on clients for one-on-one sessions to discuss intimacy and relationships and that’s been going great so far. I told the guy I was seeing at the time about it and the first thing he asked was, ‘Don’t men now have an easier way to reach you to harass you sexually?’  It had in fact already happened, some men booking me just to ask if they could show me their penis during the session or if they could wank. I just didn’t think it was something I’d have to deal with a lot, and it surprised me that he asked that, he knew already!

I’m not sure I will go through with any date from the site yet, because mostly, I’m an old school girly, I like to meet people organically and have a few referrals before I meet them. It seems a bit too risky for me, but then I’ve dated actual fans of the blog from Instagram too so what do I know?

My overall opinions are, I enjoy the app when I’m bored and need attention because truly hearing nice words and receiving gifts feels so nice. For anything further, I’d advise a lot of caution, research, do due diligence before you meet people. I always tell all my friends plus my mom when I start talking to someone new, I google them and ask around too. Not in secrecy, it’s something I don’t mind disclosing because I don’t like it when people play in my face or worse, imagine being seen with a creep before knowing that they are one!

One time on Insta, about 7 girls messaged me about some man I was following because his page was private and I was the only account he accepted. He was apparently sleeping with all of them. Like a nice auntie I definitely gave them all the tea and allowed them to make their decisions. I would hate to be caught up in embarrassing scenes myself. How do you feel about dating apps?

Be Safe.

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