It had been a long while since I had seen Kyle.
The mere thought of his presence disgusted me.

And now he was here. Right in front of me.
I only agreed to his invitation because my soul needed closure. I needed an apology. Heck I needed a thousand explanations. I needed to know why.

My throat was dry.
God his smile! This man!
And my eyes dropped right to his crotch, I couldn’t help but give a coy smile, ‘he’s still got it’, I thought to myself.
A heavenly member, infested with the devil’s disease. My heart was breaking but I needed to confront him.
He was hard already and my outfit was carefully selected with the intention to make him squirm under those pants. An outfit he bought me during one of his trips overseas.

‘You are a murderer’ I whispered under my breath,  ‘You wanted to see me dead infected.  You have no humane sanity!’

His jaw line seductively sitting on that face of his. The veins on his arms almost throbbing as he stroked his beard with his right hand. I missed those hands. I missed how they would caress and hold me. Those hands were once mine. The same hands he opened doors for me with, pulled chairs, held me with.

He did not budge.

There’s this thing with silence that instigates more anger from me. Talk back you fool. Or grab me and kiss me, I don’t know. I wanted him to tell me that he really did love me and that I was not an easy lay he had acquired for his convenience.  I wanted to hear reassuring words, that all he did for me was out of his feelings for me…
That his marriage proposal was not a joke. I didn’t care about anything else because my heart was in the middle of all this.

We were at his house where he was holding a memorial for Olive. Her death was ruled as a suicide. Well it was. But we were responsible.  Kyle was. And just like that, the commencing of investigations was halted.
The things money can do!
Everyone else was in the den.

I realised that I still loved this man, that was why I was standing here, in his house, along the corridors he would make sweet love to me. If only these walls could replay what they saw.

I was HIV negative, but I still wanted him.
Don’t call me stupid or naive.
Haven’t you ever just wanted to be with someone irregardless of their problems?

Or maybe I’m just a hoe* and dick is life. But … no. I love Kyle. Loved. Loved is the word.

He started sobbing, eyes bloodshot and I felt like I was going to get the answer I needed. He came closer and held me. This was the touch I was longing for, but all he said was that he was sorry. Almost as if he knew he had lost me for good, and no explanation would melt my oh so weak heart. He was wrong. I wish he knew how I struggled months on end to forget him. I wish he knew how much courage I had mustered to avail myself.

Just then, Mark, his best friend came towards us to tell him that he was needed in the den. Kyle left. No other words from him.

Sorry?
What exactly was he sorry for? Making me fall in love then bailing?  Not disclosing that we has married?  Almost infecting me with HIV?  What?
So I came here for nothing. Okay.

I hate lies. He should have come clean. I always see right through that bullshit. Besides,  I’d forgive the man I love any day. I guess men underestimate a woman’s ability to be intelligent.
We may feign oblivion, but we just want the truth.

I decided to leave. I didn’t bother conversating with Mark. But I could see how he was looking at me. It’s the dress.

This man scarcely paid attention to me.
Horny bastard, I thought.
But I know how vulnerability attracts men. And he damn sure was attracted. There was something about his poise and cologne that had thrown me off my Kyle a couple of times. His hair as well. I’d occasionally joke about wanting to make babies with him only in hopes of my children acquiring his beautiful hair. These jokes never sat well with Kyle of course. But I’m a faithful woman and he knew that.
I was single now.

I was trying to fight my tears as I walked past everyone especially Kyle. I shouldn’t have come.

I hastened the strut towards my car and as soon as I got in, I could not hold back the tears.  So much pain. Too much anger. I knew I had lost him now. This was different from when I went on hiatus after Olive’s demise. I would ignore his calls but I knew I’d come round,  and I was here now, wasn’t I?
But on this day,  there was a sense of finality. It was over.

Mark got in the passenger’s side,
‘Tell me what’s wrong’,
Well he looked concerned, afterall, he had trailed me.  And he knew about Kyle and I. The nerve this guy had!

Remember when I told you guys that a shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on?

He turned my face around to wipe my tears off. Then he pulled me to him to kiss me.  I knew where this was going.

He told me to drive.  I obliged. No questions asked. His right hand was shaking, the other was gripping my thigh. I drove to an alley and nor sooner had I stopped the car than he had lifted me onto him.

‘How do I lalisha this thing?’ Mark asked. I showed him the knob.

Io ndo uzuri ya sisi laptops. We can fit anywhere. We can fold in a thousand ways as well. (No shade*)

His kisses on my neck. This ignited everything.  Where had this man been all my life? I know I felt the same way with Kyle, but this was different. This felt like bottled up anger and lust, and I wanted to pour them out on this man.

His hands were all over me. I was dripping wet at this point. I needed to rebound. So it was okay. I needed to go through with this so I could hurt Kyle. In my mind. Subconsciously.

He moved my panties to the side. He slid his fingers in.
                          Gloria in excelsis deo
‘Baby let me make you the happiest woman on earth. Let me help you let go of Kyle.  I’ve always wanted you, I love you! Let me…’

I was moaning already.
He put me in the backseat and took my panties off.

‘I’m going to eat you out’, he said, ‘It’s my gift to you. A gift to make you forget your pain’

And he began.
Oh Mark!
His tongue navigated through my clit like it was home. Groceries is an understatement bruh.
He ate me out like I was made of licorice.
He was holding my thighs apart. The car was steamy.
Oh and the fingering got profuse. Hell I did that movie thing where girls brush their fingers over windows, walls etc.

At this point I was gone, I was ready for him. I wanted Mark inside me. I could tell from his heavy breathing that he felt the same way.
We didn’t care about the world outside the car.  This was for us and at this point I knew I had switched up from Kyle. It’s Mark I wanted.  He was the one.

‘Come sit on it bebe, just look at how hard I am for you!’, pulling his manhood out of his pants, stroking it like it was God’s gift to me.

I zoned out. The pleasure was as breathtaking during the first thrust. I was back on top of him on the passenger seat. I could see the tranquillity on his face, feel his breath on my chest.

But I was scared. I couldn’t fathom this intensity in my heart.  What was wrong with me?

I dont know if this has happened to you guys before,  but I, I, I just wanted to be loved.  To love this man. Forget about Kyle.  I was staring at him. Our emotions were in tandem. Too soon?

‘What are you thinking!?’ He asked. I’m sure he was puzzled at the fact that I wasn’t riding him. I just sat there, mesmerised at the overwhelming emotional surge.

I knew I had met my husband, this was him.
Mark.
This was what I wanted to come home to every night. Forever. Call it, love-at-first-shag.

I was ready to get to work work work work work when I turned and saw Kyle outside the car.
He had found us. But I had not the slightest care on earth. He didn’t love me. I know.
His stare possessed pious vindictiveness.  Exasperation. Like he had the will to kill.

‘I’m not letting go of you any time soon. I’m not about to lose the woman I love.’ Mark assured me as we stared back at Kyle.

But Kyle had lost me with his lies.

I had just met my husband.

                                   ~fin~

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