I want to tell you guys the story of a young girl who just found out that she is about two months pregnant by a man she loves. Let’s call her Sharon. She is extremely distraught by the idea of keeping it. She’s wondering if she should tell him, but she’s trying to be cautious, she doesn’t want to be at risk of losing him. What if he flips and denies it? Well, he knows for sure that she’s not lain with another all year, but you know how some guys can get when a baby comes along…

I also want to tell you the story of Karis*. My good friend, who struggles so hard to keep his girl happy, but she’s busy entertaining everyone else but him. He’s quite distraught as well. She simply never has time for him, ALL THE GADDAMN TIME. He cries to me during our Skype calls, and, I feel bad. Maze mapenzi, hadi inafanya mwanaume alie, contrary to the stereotype that men are not emotional beings. (Fuck that btw)

Sharon’s also distraught because of how rocky the relationship has been. Breakups on the weekly, trust issues, pride, lack of or no effort… But the guy says he loves her. She loves him too.

So day in, she tries to prove this but, he’s become so dismissive, feigning this nonchalant vibe of a man without feelings. He says he doesn’t trust her so he cut the effort down to null. He stopped replying messages, he ignores her outrightly, he’s detached. But wants her to stick around and build castles in the air. (Insert Kanye West gif : HOW????)

The obvious thing to do would be to let go for her and move on at this point, right? To just give up on loving this man, like everyone else is advising. But she can’t. She won’t. She’s worked too hard towards keeping him to just let it go down the drain. Can’t let ‘Becky with the bad hair and acne’ just come in. 

Consequently, he is on a constant and obvious quest to say things suggesting he is searching for another queen. One that shall assist him to build a kingdom rather than run it. Flaunting his availability whereas, she’s rooting for them still. Waiting for him to work things out. Maze imagine mse anakusho umpee space ajipange alafu anatafuta dame mwingine 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 yawa, pthoooo! Mutaniuwa yaye!😂😂😂

Remember that she is with-child.

Karis on the other hand hasikii la ndewe wala sikio. Attempting to advice him against his lover will get you cut off in a heartbeat. I see the way the girl treats him. Lakini ya wawili, ayajuaye ni wao. She’d rather spend time with her friends kushing up than build on the happiness Karis is offering. She swears she loves him, but constantly comes up with excuses where keeping in touch is involved. Stringing him along, puppeteering his heart. So he’s stuck, waiting, loving… Maybe she doesn’t care, but she says she does so…
Think about it.

But I won’t tell you their stories. I just said I want to.
Instead, I’ll tell you my story…

I was dating this guy on and off for about four years. My first serious relationship because we practically lived together. My goal was to ultimately walk down the aisle with this one. You know when you just know they’re the one? Haha
At the point where we cohabited, by default, wifely duties were imposed upon me. This is as expected in the African culture, you cook and clean like having a vagina comes with a ‘terms and conditions’ manual.

He never even once did anything for me. Nothing. And if he did, then I can’t recall. 

I’m not insinuating that the love was conditional, but neither was it intended to be parasitic. I’m one girl who doesn’t care especially about material things, but I started feeling used when our friends would laugh at how nilikua mboch. Ata smokie pasua na mtura, I’d pay. 😑😑😑

 I can’t say the love faded, but interests shifted and we got busy. Him with broads at the club, me with school. No symbiosis whatsoever.

So I sat down one day and thought about all the years, emotions, toiling only comparable to that of a donkey at his expense, money, everything that I had invested in this relationship!

Of course I wasn’t ready to just walk out. But I had to. Detaching is never easy for me, but once I’m there, bruh, it’s like you never existed.

I tried in vain to salvage what was left of us, constantly attempting to remind him of the good times, how perfect we were for each other, how much our families were one. Trying to get him to act right, promising to wait.

I tried!

I’d cry. I’d call him everyday. Sometimes he ignored my calls, or picked up only to be dismissive. I wondered what I’d done wrong. 

He didn’t even have the guts to break up with me. He just started posting up his new lady on his WhatsApp profile and Instagram. So I filled in the dots, deleted his number,packed all his things up and it was a wrap. Skutaka closure. Io akatumie ka gazeti afungie nyanya. 
My point is, I feel like people get too comfortable after they get what they want whereas that’s where the input of effort is greatly needed. Kuna kamadharau ka kuzoeana kauanza kutokelezea. Mtu anaona akutreat ka shonde ju weh ni fala wa kubaki.

For me, it’s so natural to spend my money on my man, give him undivided attention and even surprise him with things he’d never expect. It doesn’t matter how busy I get, when I care, I put in the effort. I believe in the power of spontaneity, it keeps the love on its toes. I’m not blowing my trumpet, I’m just wondering why I’m in a generation where showing emotion is considered being whipped. 
Like Sharon, I’m far from the type to give up. I’m sure most emotional  people can reasonate with that. 

Watu wanapelekwa dates na vacations, wewe unapelekwa trap house kusanif shash. Are you a farmer? And it’s not an invite, it’s a meer, “Mi Niko na maboyz, ukijiskia kukwom utaniget uko!”

Here you are, unatetea the ‘Future’ wannabes instead of letting a ‘Russel Wilson’ come give you some good lovin’!

I mean, it’s only fun and games until your friends are all seeing people who are serious and goal oriented, yet you’re still holding down the plug who has no intentions of putting a ring on it, or giving you an ounce of his time and attention throughout the relationship. 30 is knocking on your door. 

I’m not hating on anything. You guys should know I do most of the things I constantly condemn. Also, I’m not saying you must get married or go on dates to be happy. I’m just confused about how wasting someone’s time is supposed to be a cool thing??

Dame anakuitisha doh kila saa. Ask yourself, is your relationship a matatu? Is she a makanga?

Girls, a relationship is not a job opportunity. Shtua society. Nunulia mjamaa njumu angalau ajue bibi hujali akipiga look. Do something else other than offering pussy, you can be of more worth. Plus si I told you pussy is everywhere. Kwanza after my last post I’ve got girls on me like shit. 

Don’t just be pussy,😑

What’s so hard with matching  my effort? If I’m bothering, why can’t you? I feel like I’m getting too old to do all the work in a relationship. I’m at a point in my life where everyone around me is in happy relationships because the effort is mutual. Seeing this got me thinking how much nonsense I’m able to tolerate because of ‘love’.
So this guy, it’s been over two years and he started looking for me again. I mean, I shut him down each time, but he apologised. I’m guessing his friends are in serious commitments and he’s slacking. Maybe it occurred to him that these girls he was entertaining will never stick around like I did. (I might be wrong) . Too bad I have someone new to waste my time.

Funny he’s forgotten my tears and effort. The depression I fell into. Funny how they forget…

Karis’ girl will lose him to an amazing woman who puts in as much effort as he does towards the relationship. 

Sharon might abort if the boyfriend doesn’t pay her any mind. Her friends are advising her to walk away and move on. And once she does, that’s another love story shattered. 

As for me, after two years of avoiding relationships, I moved on and laugh at his obvious advances. I hope that after he reads this, he can get the outright message that regardless of how nice some people can be, they have a breaking point as well. Na, SIKUTAKI brathe!
I don’t know much about love and relationships, but I think it’s only fair to work as hard as you did to get them, to keep them. 
My folks just renewed their  vows after 20years, my dad said that it was happening because when you love someone, you don’t give up! In his words, “Unapenda mtu na njia different hadi msiboeke, lakini umuonyeshe hii mapenzi”

I’m learning to walk away when I get the vibes that I’m working alone to keep the relationship going.  Doesn’t matter how long I take to move on, I know I shall and there’s no beautiful feeling as seeing a person that only offered you half baked love and not feel anything. You’re not supposed to assure the people around you that your relationship with anyone is legit, the way they treat you and love you should be evident if they’re serious. (Next boyfriend better know I’m not playing 😑😑)

I’m done with games that concern my heart and time. I hope Karis, Sharon and all of you going through the same shall gather the courage to go for options that auger well with your heart. It’s hard and painful, but you’ll get there.

I hope you find someone that matches your effort in a relationship.
Shit happens, love dies, etc. But how about after reading this, you try to match your lovers effort?

Au mnadai kukua ma FWB till 30? Talking about,

 “You guys don’t know her like I do, she really loves me!” 

,na saizo anatwerkia James, John and Omusakhulu kwa club., She started wearing less and going out more. You don’t even see her no more.

Love yourself.
Model: Mahfoudh Barkey, PC: Roba