My sneaky link asked me out to lunch then snaked me. 

He fed me some lies about work being tight. It didn’t matter to me because I genuinely don’t care about his whereabouts- only to watch my wozzap stories and see a lady friend at his apartment; cosy on his bed. 

The convo went like, ‘damn is that abc apartments ‘, ‘yeah omg don’t tell me we’re shagging the same dude, ‘shyet we are damn, sistaaaaazzz cheers’ etc … 

Bruh ushaichoka? Because nilichoka. I thought I was immune to this Nairobi madness. Sijazoea mashida but someone really came out their momma to try and fit me in their hoe list, I was so shocked man. A woman like me? Ain’t no way bwoy. He must have confused me for someone else 😳, kushtuka shtukuku!

My god complex kicked in and I felt so ashamed to have fallen into such a situation. I get turned off immediately when I know I have to share dick. It’s nothing personal – I’m just not about to willingly deep-throat on dick that’s everywhere. It instantly dries me up. No judgement or anything but I love a man that is unobtainable. A man that knows his worth and has standards and boundaries. A respectful man that keeps his word, I love powerful men! It turns me the fuck on when I know I’m fucking with someone that’s not for everybody. I like that. It keeps me on my toes 

Btw this was just one day after he had drilled me a goodu one, I hadn’t even recovered, pussy was still sore. Maskini kajirembesha for lunch lakini what I ate was lies na indomie mi huweka kwa office desk yangu hapo for a rainy day because I hadn’t even carried my usual packed lunch. 😭😭😭😂  Livid af nikupumua hewa joto . 

That shit pissed me off man. 
I’ve been attracting very high-quality men that express their emotions, men that take charge and lead our connections. Those with empathy and respect. It’s so easy to slut out a man that’s on Daddzy Status, it’s so easy to get hella wet, infinite squirting huku na kule.  Btw nimekua pazuri mpaka I had forgotten what it feels like to be in the ghetto.
I don’t know how I decided to make an exception when all the red flags were blinking right at me???

It’s the manipulation. I fell for it.

xx

Hellooooooo my loves  
It’s been so long!! Too long! 
Well, if you keep up with the https://anchor.fm/loveandorgasms Show, then you’re probably the most updated on what I’ve been up to and how I’ve been feeling. 
I needed to take time off to remind myself why I loved to write. I feel like I wasn’t using this space for what I intended primarily and this brought about some disconnect from my art. 

I needed to reconnect. 
Also, I just wasn’t having any sex before. I had nothing interesting to share but let me tell you, these last two years have been the most peaceful. I tried going celibate and managed to hit a year, I’ll tell y’all about this on the podcast because there’s just so much to say and share about that whole phase of my life. I grew in ways I appreciate right now.

When I started this blog, I used this space to vent and express my true feelings. I had no views, it was just me, and my best friend then, cheering me on and relating. 
I would write what I really felt bila kujali because I didn’t have to think about hundreds of thousands of people knowing too much about me. I didn’t even care if the people I was writing about got to see; I was never scared to express how people really made me feel – even if it offended them- It was always just me telling my story. This was my diary. My safe space. 

I appreciate the growth and I love to see people enjoy my thoughts and feelings with me, it’s always nice to feel like I’m not alone. It feels good to have a virtual support system! – but I was trying too much to be perfect, especially for deliverables. I became too concerned about looking good rather than feeling good. I was unable to be vulnerable in the safe space I had created for myself. I couldn’t share my feelings freely anymore. 

I needed to remind myself of that place. Where I felt safe sharing things I could only tell a close friend – without caring about who’s watching. That way it’s more authentic for me, I can be myself.

This meant that I had to do a lot of learning and unlearning. I had to renew who I am so that I could be extremely comfortable and confident in myself- I had to become the woman I wanted to be. 

I want to share my experiences as real as can be. RAW. 

Speaking of raw, over the last couple of months I’ve been getting my ass ate and it’s been okay. I’ve been very sexually satisfied. It was aiit. 
I meant to chomoa those stories earlier then I decided to start vetting whoever I include in my spaces, I wanted to wait it out and see how things go, I knew that if I felt safe enough to form an emotional connection, I’d definitely have something to write about. I wanted to describe something passionate and otherworldly, I was trying to reach this level with homeboy but my spirit guides said naaaaah go watch those wozzap stories and be reminded of how Luo men in Nairobi move. 

Lemme tell you, chest Ilianza tu kuniuma, nilianza kuskia joto. 
It reminded me of an ‘ex’ that took a lot of pride in people knowing he was fucking with me, but the whooooole time, he was sleeping with everyone around me 😭 ptsd manze. I used to get the same feeling every time I got a call about him being shady. It had been long since I felt this. Ni kama cocktail ya anxiety na heartbreak. That shit would wash over me because I try to build relationships where it’s safe for my partner, especially emotionally and sexually. I’d hate to fuck with someone that sees no need for sexual security. 

Nakuambia aki chest ilikua inaniuma lakini there’s nothing the Summer Walker albums and a lot of oui’d can’t fix. Sai niko chonjo. 

Najua unaeza shangaa mbona nimejam na hainihusu na pia, issue yangu si huyu mjamaa kudishiana ata, -he’s not my man so he had absolutely no reason to lie to me or play games.

I became friends with this guy and we started getting closer and growing fonder. I genuinely cared as a friend, zile za enyewe amekua mtu nguyaz. Nothing romantic btw, ile genuine care and concern for each other’s feelings but now I feel like I fell for everything because I fell for his hadithis and offered empathy. Huruma ilinituma nikapanua miguu  😅😂 I really thought we were bonding but homeboy was lying to get pussy . Player alicheza coach. Nimetii. 

Lakini nini mbaya na mimi nikiwa horny? Why did I offer friendship with a side of pussy 😭😭

I was fucking him raw, hapo ndio trust ilikua imenifikisha. I know for sure that if he had the audacity to bring me around the same place he brings someone else, a day later, there were many of us. Ni mazoea na champe got a little too confident trying to underestimate my whole existence.

 Do you get the context of why I’m hurt? 
I should be more responsible with my own sexual health that’s why. A friend said that I should be mad at myself, he’s right. I completely put all this trust on someone else and that’s the dumbest thing I could have ever done considering I’m well aware of how human beings can only meet you as far as they’ve met themselves, apparently honesty was too much a farfetched expectation. Nilijam mbaya! 
I already went to get checked out and everything, but in those couple of days right after finding out, I was really angry at myself for falling for words. It could easily take one sexual encounter for me to catch anything. As my close friend, they had no regard for this despite it being the one thing I only ever asked for. Sexual safety. 

I should have demanded for a Birkin. To ease the landing. The other homegirl was getting her rent paid while I was acting a free therapist and nutsack; SHE’S BETTER THAN ME.

I ain’t mad atcha. Do your thing shawtttyyy! 

Btw I’m so disgusted mpaka siko horny. Hio ni kama mluhya kusema hana njaa 😭😂Niko so turned off by dick right now.   I cannot imagine anyone inside me. Ugh. 

xx

I don’t want to write about men who do me wrong, or people who deliberately hurt my feelings- I want to celebrate sex even in the ways I speak on it. 

This jamaa tried to show me character development and I just don’t think they deserve to be discussed on my platform in a way that I should sugarcoat anything. I also don’t want to discuss sex that lacks an emotional connection. There’s nothing to write about hapo. I’m trying to share more wholesome experiences that have helped me love and embrace my sexuality. 

There’s been a lot of changes in my life that have been amazing!! I’m really enjoying the fruits of my labor. 
A lot of lessons pia   and I’m really excited to share all that on here soon. 

I’m glad that I took the time off to grow and educate myself better on so much more, enough to share and teach. I needed it.

I needed the pain to jump start my creativity. I’m glad to be back!

Si basi tuvuke kwa podcast niwachapie hii story vizuri?

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