I’m about to tell you a short story about a man who met me at the wrong time. I’ll explain why I say it was the wrong time too, or maybe you’ll see it before I do and that’s even better.

Let’s call him Matt. A 41-year-old man who’s tall and handsome. He’s got an amazing fashion sense too and he’s absolutely my type at first glance. We met online, which I probably need to stop doing, when he reached out to express his love for my works (which I need to stop falling for), and of course when I went to his profile to check him out, I loved everything I saw. He struck me as a well-travelled guy, very sociable and important. His bio read ‘Entrepreneur’ and he followed a bunch of women who didn’t follow him back na that should have been enough of a red flag for me but I was bored and horny.

I should have known the sex would have been mid when our first date was hot chocolate with mandazi, I brought this upon myself. He had been asking me out for a coffee for weeks now and I finally decided, what could go wrong? I was okay with this because he seemed trustworthy and like he had a lot to lose by being shady- did I mention that he’s a politician? I know, the irony in my latter statement sticks out like a sore thumb.

We went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants afterwards anyways so it was okay. Let me try and prove or disprove the theory that cheap and low effort dates are going to be a direct reflection of the whole relationship experience. This is something I’ve always believed for myself because even the poorest man I ever dated never played about me. It’s a generosity thing, you have to see it to recognize it. It just never made sense for me to dress up and show up with a love interest to drink bean juice, a date cheaper than my lipstick alone. I have coffee at home, I don’t even drink it.

I’m going to preface this story by admitting that horniness has taken me places even desperation can’t. Horniness has landed me in places I would never go in my sobriety; doing things I could never ever do either on a normal day.  I’ve been broke, sad, stuck etc.; but when horniness strikes, I lose control and take a back seat in my own body. Nobody told me that it gets worse as I grow older????

The female body is amazing in that everything I do has the subconscious expression of me being readied to bear children. The horniness is animalistic and anything short of a man that matches this passion and enthusiasm cannot scratch this itch. I need a man that can fuck. A real yearner who gets hard at the waft of my scent and can’t get enough of me. I’ve met this kind of man once in my life and he set the bar so high, no one has topped what he made me feel again.

The first time that coffee-date-boy and I had sex, I’m not even sure it was consensual. I felt it in my heart that I shouldn’t have been there and the fact that there was no foreplay, but he was done in under 4 minutes, I was so disappointed. There’s something that dies in a woman when she adds to her body count and it wasn’t worth it, all this for what? Drinking chocolate.

 ‘’Now you are Mrs. Matt.’’ He said with a stupid grin on his face. I call it stupid because what was he possibly excited about, I was so horny yet he didn’t seem to exude the kind of energy I was used to. I had been settling right from the beginning, and I had kujiita kamkutano and introspect on why I was letting this happen. Was it the loneliness? Ama ni kutu. Kutamani kudinywa and this man had brought himself to me easy.

Matt’s idea of foreplay was to hold me in bed, kiss my forehead and take my pants off then try to stick his dick inside me. I had to force him to wear a condom and I was so turned off during this tussle. When I finally gave in and allowed myself to have sex, he pumped for a couple of minutes and came so hard, then stood up to go clean up and get me a towel. He didn’t care that I didn’t orgasm, he didn’t touch my body, no kisses – nothing. I slept that night wondering why I was there, no aftercare; in fact, he turned his body from me the whole night and it reminded me of when I was a teenager, a people pleaser without boundaries who wanted to be picked so bad just so I wasn’t lonely and horny. I participated in this. I felt like a prostitute that had just had sex for free.

 I left the next morning, so angry at myself. He was now being lovey dovey and much more affectionate but I was miserable, couldn’t wait to get home to my sex toys A sex toy review for begginers – Love and Orgasms. I also thought to myself, maybe it was just the nervousness of a first time and next time I was going to be in charge of my own orgasm.

We decided to fuck raw as he’d proposed marriage to me by this time so I thought, why not? He was super emotionally present and sweet and made me feel really wanted and included, with his words, but my mind was just never settled still. The next time we fucked, I created a monster because from that day since I decided to ride him, it was the only style we used for the rest of the relationship. I was the one fucking him now, I would initiate the sex and have to ride him forever. He never ate my pussy either. I should have known by now that he didn’t like me, right?

My only condition for the raw sex was that he pulled out. That was the compromise I required and guess what? He simply couldn’t. He always nutted in 5 seconds before I could feel anything and guess what I won myself? A yeast infection. Yeah, his semen threw off my PH so bad but I still stayed because of my horniness. I’m being honest and vulnerable because it is important that we learn to see how easy it is to own up and self-reflect because better choices are the best bet to avoid low quality experiences. He never got me flowers, stopped picking me up, had already started with weird comments to put me down and I’m just lucky that my level of self-awareness set off my alarms so fast. But did I leave though? Naaah!  I still remained his girlfriend, all because I was horny and bored.

The first time I went to his house he had panties laying around and I decided to ignore that because I was horny. He was always borrowing me money and I still fucked him. I didn’t give him anything but I think this was the end point for me. It’s sad that him asking me for money is what made me leave him before how he spoke to me or how he treated my body. He was so cheap, I couldn’t even bother bringing up the yeast infection treatment; he couldn’t take care of me, how was he going to pay for my treatment?

So, when you hear me say that I will not attend coffee dates that are not about business, allow me ooo. I know enough to hold these sentiments, you can say that people are different and this is absolutely valid, but do I want to risk low effort dates for infections in return? Do I want to be around attractive broke men when I am horny and vulnerable? ABSOLUTELY NOT. You may ask, Bobbie, how does a coffee date hinder you from getting tested before raw sex?

It’s the effort. A person who doesn’t care for details about the things you like is definitely not putting their health before a vagina that’s on a beautiful girl. Wanapenda kupima kwa macho. I did the same thing because I just wanted to be fucked and it’s crazy because again, on a normal day, I would never allow a man’s bare dick that I do not know the health status of to touch me, no matter how coercive they get. I saw a healthy and rich looking man who drove nice cars and hang around important people and assumed he had money. Clearly, I didn’t care for myself as much as I would say I did.

My discipline is better now of course, it’s just that, looking back and past the shame of stupid choices I’ve made before, I’m happy to share so you can see why I act the way I do now, why I know clearly what I can and won’t stand for.

The guy that never took me on a date and only fingered me in his car when we met was never going to take me seriously either. Are you seeing the pattern? Low effort will always be a direct reflection of the kind of experiences you’ll receive. I can tell you for sure that the men who treated me really well also educated, loved, encouraged and believed in me. Always left me better than they found me especially financially, emotionally and even remained people I admire to date. Have never tried to fuck me without a condom before getting tested and there’s a direct correlation – these kinds of people care about themselves and in extension, the people they let into their lives especially sexually.

These are a couple examples of the nonsense I’ve tolerated just because of raging hormones and there’s probably worse that has come from my ignorance and desperation. There’s a girl on twitter being cooked for admitting how easy it is to get reckless sexually and it’s super easy for those on a moral high ground to act like this isn’t a conversation worth having.

https://x.com/TreasonousBabe/status/1920841312909017233

Having a high libido, being a nymphomaniac, female hormones – all these are too real but in the same breadth, absolutely controllable though. For most part when I’m ovulating, I have to tie myself in like a werewolf lest I’m impregnated by someone I don’t even like. It’s possible, I’ve seen it happen before. I don’t need a post nut clarity baby crying to me at the peak of my career and sexy body.

I’m also currently seeing an upsurge in the quantity of men who want so desperately to put a baby in me, it’s like the more I say I don’t want one, the more they make it their life’s mission to try and convince me to do it. No promises of diamonds and property, just sperm. Matt was doing this intentionally now that I can look back, he really wanted to get me pregnant. He would talk about it all the time and try to convince me that it was the best course for our relationship so that we’d be together forever. AKA trap me as a baby momma. Me, keep a pregnancy before a ring and marriage certificate? Alikua ananiona kama matako yake for real wow. He wanted me to be pregnant in a relationship with zero sexual chemistry just so he could brag about bagging me, the broke politician.

The final straw, like I said, was when he borrowed from me a substantial amount of money and I knew for sure he hated me. I just stopped talking to him. Stopped replying, stopped picking calls, stopped caring. Now more than ever, it was cemented deep in my head that I can NEVER do such a thing. Can never be with a man who needs a submissive provider but really, the main lesson is that I need to find a way to fix the horniness issue, I can’t let it influence the kind of mates I settle for in a negative way or out of desperation.

And that is why I am the way I am. Plan a proper date, fika bei and act like you understand what it means to be in my presence. Condoms are very non-negotiable and it’ll probably be a couple years before I consider sex. I go by this and the one time I decided to go against myself, I was rewarded with the responsibility of always paying for stuff, the most disappointing dick in my sexual history and a PH imbalance that swore me off sex – not because it was severe or anything, but just because I finally saw how easy it would be to have contracted something deadlier. Catching herpes from sex that lasted 45 seconds would be quite unfortunate.

I don’t even want to hear about this conversations ati women don’t pay for anything. The guys that really like us don’t even require us to. The ones that do, like Matt, are very gay. I say this without disrespect to the LGBTQ Community, it’s just that there were so many signs and he was probably using me while being DL, signs I won’t mention now just because it would be unfair to make assumptions towards someone that hadn’t come out; at least not to my knowledge.

Don’t be like me, you don’t need something worse or similar happening to you so you can understand better what real effort looks like and no matter what you do, always use a condom.

Also, this is proof that if you start low, you can only go lower. Stand firm on business.

I’m not absolving myself of the responsibility of avoiding reckless sex and blaming it on hormones, I’m simply acknowledging that there’s a lot at play and when you’re not cognizant, it’s super easy to find yourself in dangerous or miserable situations.  Sometimes reckless sex doesn’t come from drugs and alcohol, it’s just simply fueled by biology, your ability to control this comes from first awareness then choosing better. Like I said I lock myself in the house lest the watchie starts looking hot to me. It’s a discipline like no other.

I always get tested after raw sex and the relief I got when I knew I had another shot at having a healthier sexual relationship was enough to make me stricter with my body, boundaries and needs. You can choose better starting today too.

Do you have some crazy things you’ve done when you were super horny?

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