“At times I regret that I ever met you, Wish I were to pass and let another intercept you. The liquor’s encouraging me to text you, But see the pride is why I stall like a restroom. Experience what I did? I wonder who’s the next to detention. Thicker than this bitch I’m laying next to, Not like that’s something no one knew, Responding to come over texts when I ain’t even over you, just know I’d never put another woman over you, in fact I think I put a pride aside convo is overdue. Cause  all we ever do is fucking trip. Make love then argue, yeah fuck and trip. All this unnecessary stress I need a fucking trip, But know that making you happy still on my bucket list. Visions of our past but unsure what the future holds, i’m sure by just showing up you assume I fuck future hoes…” Euroz _us vs. them

I heard the cry from where I was seated. The flaccid cry of a newborn. This is my son with Shanice. I was not as zealous as expected. I switched off my iPod and walked towards the cry. 

I checked my watch. It was  11.30 am and I knew Robin was already on her way to her wedding. Her wedding to that man. Kyle.
What had I done?
I’m completely unmoved by the fact that this girl has just borne me a son. An heir. 

Okay, I’ll go carry the kid in a few minutes. Shouldn’t I? Well, it’s only fair that I show my enthusiasm and excitement, no matter how pretentious. I’m not mean. I’m a good man. I just fell off the wagon. It happens.
I know where my heart is.
I ran out to the car and ignited its engine. The revving, reminded me of the first car I bought her. The excitement in her eyes. Why is everything I do so nostalgic…
If she loved me she would have stayed. She would have understood. She would have weaned me off the drugs and reckless promiscuity. She would have understood that I’m an extremely social being, I mean, even when I’m canoodling other women and kissing them, it’s nothing sexual. It’s her I always loved!
Kwani kazi ya mwanamke ni gani? Si ni kubaki and be the family’s pillar!
Women are not supposed to give up on their men! 

I told her to wait until I sorted myself out for her and our child.  It’s her fault that I cheated. She gave up on me, on us. She was tolerating Kyle all along.

 I mean, how was I supposed to compete with a man of such poise and financial structure. She left me for the money. Typical of these women!

I should go back in and hold my son a little longer.
Goddamnit Robin see what you made me do!
Do I go be with Shanice? 
But I don’t love her. It was just sex. She was giving me the attention Robin failed to provide. 
Do I call Stephanie? Naah. She dumped me. It’s okay, she had started being a nag anyway. Besides, she has a boyfriend now… I was getting enough of that from Robin, a repeat would be a redundant catastrophe. Well, maybe I should call her up for an easy lay, get my mind off things…

“Who is she? Where are you going? Why don’t you give me attention? Are your friends more important than I? Why do you constantly have women on your Snapchat? Are your Instagram posts subliminal messages to me?”
😑😑😑😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

 Do I go to the church to halt this absurd commitment about to be laid down by my lover?
I took my phone out and began reading her final texts… Those long texts she sends when angry. Accompanied by voice notes that are nothing short of ten years long. 

  Robin: Hey. Not to seem intrusive, but just know me giving you space doesn’t mean I stopped loving you or I left for someone else or I don’t care. It’s just so that you can sort your issues without me feeling ignored by the man I love, so I’m always here for you ata ka I’m a bother. Niko tu kando, I haven’t left. Just work on your priorities. When you’re ready, we’ll give us another shot and make shit work bila drama na pain. Goodnight 😘

Robin: Everything you said to me in that car hit me tenfold. You killed me. You killed my will to fight for us. You refused to help me stay. You chose them over me. The drugs, the women, friends. You left your baby and I begging for your attention every single day. I cannot cry anymore, I shall have the divorce papers delivered to you and in all niceness, I ask as a favour that you sign them.
I wish you happiness with your new girl and child that is on the way only because your happiness is all that ever mattered to me. Let me go. 

How was I supposed to reply to this? So I ignored it. Just like I had been ignoring all her other texts and calls. She was a mistress of sarcasm this one. Oh how I miss that…

She wanted to leave so I told her to leave. I told her to delete my number if she saw fit. I don’t know how to beg. I’m not the kind of man that fights over a woman. Plus akili yangu ilikua imechoka kushindia the same issue daily. Why don’t women understand? Nagging kila siku! 
 This was right before I received the divorce papers. She lied. She left. She should have been patient and held on longer. Her decision was lopsided. She didn’t consider  my feelings and now she’s marrying that bastard.

I’m going to drive to the church. I want to look her straight in the eyes as she says ‘I do’ to another man. A man that is not me. I want to see if she’ll flinch with the slightest regret. 

I parked at the church’s lot and walked out of my car. Keys and phone in hand. 

Anxiety clouded me. The closer I got to the entrance, the heavier my heart grew. The harder the steps became. 😢😢
I’m not ready to see my Robin with another man, I thought. It’s not too late to walk away. 
I turned to leave when I saw Angela there, right behind me. Looking at me. She must have spotted me roaming the premises.
Angela is Robin’s best friend. I’m assuming her best maid today as well. She never liked me. Not as a person, but for her friend, romantically. Well, no one did, and that got to her. I knew all along that she had been against our relationship and marriage altogether. Her condescending presence could be felt and so I started to walk past her. She stopped me and moved in as if to hug me.
Maybe this is what I need. A hug. 
“Leave this place. You have hurt her enough. Just leave…’ she whispered in my ear.
Although I was taken aback, Angela was right. What was I doing here?
I detached from her embrace and turned again, heading straight for the entrance amidst her warning not to… and then I saw her. My Robin. Right at the altar in a white gown. Beautiful as ever. Beaming with the radiance I imagined she would. She looked sombre. The mood was definitely melancholic.
Almost subsequently, everything flashed right before my eyes. The first time I saw her. The night I gave her a promise neck piece. Our first kiss. Our first sex in the car. Our wedding. The day she gave birth to my Natalie. Everything…

Right beside her was my estranged friend Kyle. Feeling macho. He had won the race. I guess this was Karma stretching it’s unforgiving claws out to me. No one is ever yours, it’s just your turn.
                                 ~xx~

We ran to my car, I was holding her hand as she struggled with her train. I immediately drove off, we had no destination in mind. This was the kind of people we were. Spontaneous. Daring. We hardly cared about external opinions. 

This was going to cost us, but it was worth the risk. I was taking back what was mine and this time, I was going to keep her forever.

We sat in silence, I’m sure she was as confused as I was, gazing outside her window with dismay tatooed all over her face. Surprisingly,no one was following us. 

I parked the car along the deserted Naivasha highway. No sooner had I opened my mouth to speak than she climbed on top of me. She held my face as if to search for answers. I looked at her dead in the eyes.

You know what I appreciated about this union? The ability to constantly have our blood boiling for each other. I was baying for her body like a predator for a prey. She kissed me. I had been longing for these lips. This darned gown was getting in my way so I tore it together with her stockings.

The making out got so intense and I was ready for her. She was running her fingers through my hair with her long nails, biting my neck, rubbing her crotch against mine. I could see that she was succumbing in her eyes every time she opened them to look at me. 

I lifted her to sit on this magic wand. I warmed up inside. She was so wet. A low hallelujah almost escaped my mouth. I motioned her to ride and she began . All this while, i’m caressing her arms and thighs, spanking her as she increases the tempo. I tell her to slow down.

I tell her to scream if she wants to because no one can hear her. We’re in the middle of nowhere. I can tell she’s trying not to be too noisy. I love her sexual noises, I want more.

I tell her how amazing her pussy is. It’s getting steamy in the car but i don’t want her to stop, when all of a sudden she grips my arms. I know she’s about to cum so I tell her to do it all over the seat. This is her car as well. 

Then she does it. So beautiful. Her body is still shaking, I whisper in her ear that I felt it all. She gets off me and tells me that it’s me she wants to be with. I ask her about Kyle but she assures me she doesn’t love him.

A knock on the window interrupts us. She asks me not to open the door until she’s got her panties on so I wait. I help hook her bra back on then I roll down the window.

                                ~xx~

Only, there’s no window. There’s no car. There’s no naked Robin. It’s just me standing along the aisle.

Gasps escaped alternate individuals and filled the church when they saw me. She turned. I could see her face. Her smile faded. She stared dumbfoundedly. 
I got what I wanted. To see her face. I was satisfied. A sharp pain cascaded down my heart. You have no idea, it was like , have you lost someone before? 
When my daughter Natalie shouted my name’daddy’, it dawned on me that I was letting go of my happiness. This girl! She looked just like me. Beautiful hair like her father’s. Oh my. She looked so magnificent in her little flower girl frock. My little girl. 
No matter how big or bad you are, there’s always that one girl that humbles you. 

It’s okay. I’m going back to the hospital now. I have no option but to let them go. I’ll be okay. It’s not the first time someone left me. It was not going to be the last either. I’ll just pick a new hoe up from the club as is. These girls are easy.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Natalie started to cry.
It was not my intention to disrupt this occasion. 
“Daddy!”
I started to tear up as I turned to walk out. I didn’t think she had the guts to leave me for good, but now, I have confirmed it. I have single-handedly managed to push away the one girl that loved me for who I was. The one girl that continuously looked past my transgressions, forgave my short-comings and defended me amidst all the disrespect and embarrassment I caused her . 

I’m not sad though. I don’t care. Okay, I do, but I’m a thug. I’ll get over it. A blunt or ten with the boys and a night out getting bitches should get me started.

Goodbye Robin. Goodbye my sweet Natalie.

Model: Brian Karuiru
(Continued from ‘How I met my husband’)