When I woke up today, I knew the day was going to be hard for me (that’s what she said) 🤣. Not because I’m single- but because I’m a hopeless romantic, I love LOVE, I’m a whole Pisces so it’s inevitable that I’m always in my feelings and I’m not gonna lie, some posts made me wonder why I’ve never received such treatment and proclamations of love so outrightly. What is it about me that doesn’t make me qualify, ever, for the nice gifts and spontaneous acts of love??

Last year, I did nothing pia, and all other years before that. I downplay every February 14th so much and act unbothered because I’m so used to not getting any kind of ‘special treatment’ at all, but I’d definitely love to experience the nice gestures … this doesn’t help that my birthday is exactly a week after Valentine’s Day and most times, this sets the mood for how I enter my birthday week- with remnants of unworthiness and loneliness. Did I mention that my birthday is on the 29th of February?? – so, no birthday either this year.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy, I just often wonder what it feels like to be loved so loudly… Not even for others to see, just for me to feel. A bouquet, or even a single flower plucked from a garden outside? A text? Nothing? Woi okay.

I know it’s wrong to even have these thoughts because I know I’m worthy, but I just gotta be honest with how I feel, I don’t want to invalidate my thoughts . The jokes on Twitter about single people receiving no love were hella funny though 😂

I spent my day in bed, thinking about all the nice things I’m going to buy myself once I can finally afford it, it’s made me feel better because I know for sure that it matters the most how I make myself feel, everything else anybody does is just a bonus.

Seems I’m not gonna fit my new cute lingerie pieces for anyone to see, no birthday sex either, it’s just me and my thoughts, consistently reminding myself that I am worthy, I am love , I am adequate.

It’s nice to watch everyone else receive love. It’s beautiful to me. So refreshing especially when everything’s been so hard on most people and honestly even if it’s not happening to me , I love to see it happen for others 😍😍

Last week on the Garden of Eden show, Soni Kanake and I discussed the FOMO us ‘singles’ undergo right around this day and I think it showed great growth when I was able to admit to myself that I want to be loved and I’d love to feel special some day, to someone else.

I woke up to a gorgeous breakfast by my brother, sweet texts from my other brothers and dad- something I just recently started experiencing and it’s teaching me a lot about being appreciated, I’m learning to receive love too.

Today, I don’t want to overthink it too much, I just want to vibe in my presence. I’m gonna order myself those flowers tomorrow just to see what it feels like to hold a whole bouquet that belongs to me. I’m going to write myself a love letter, post my pictures all over my pages proclaiming my love for myself- because that’s just how I genuinely feel on the inside. That’s how I’d like to be treated, without asking for it, probably won’t feel the same- but I’ll do it anyway. I’m used to being on my own so much and doing everything for myself so this won’t be too new 🥰

Hopefully next year, I don’t have to downplay the fact that love makes me happy in ways I can’t explain. I’ll try not to stay in bed all day, I’ll go out and do something nice for myself ❤️ I know it’s not the same as when someone else surprises you with thoughtful romantic gestures, I mean, I wouldn’t really know how it feels coming from someone else out of genuine love and care, but I know that I don’t have to sit in bed and feel even more lonely ☺️

I genuinely enjoy being single, mostly because I haven’t dated anyone worthy of the kind of love I’ve got to offer, and I’m unwilling to settle for anything that expects me to over-compromise especially without any reciprocation.
It’s totally okay if I don’t get what I want, but I’d love to experience LOVE in ways I perceive it in my head…

Also, I’m just really horny. I pictured myself getting head with a joint in hand, on a boat or something…

or giving head, whichever.

I’m going to be a little more intentional about romanticizing things for myself, I deserve at least that.

I also loved calling my friends to tell them that I love them, that meant so much to me🥰 , I loved hearing the happiness in their voices because most of them haven’t seen me in over a year, ever since the start of the pandemic. I’ve been very aloof when it comes to most of my relationships and I guess I’ve just been doing some sort of ‘cleaning up’ to curate my circle and the kind of environment I want to be in.

For my birthday this week, I’m going to surround myself with love, I need it 🥰

How are the rest of you that are single doing? And by single, I mean , not even talking to nobody… ?? What were you up to? How’re you feeling?? I’d love to hear.

Watch new episodes of The Garden of Eden every Wednesday at 10pm on TV47 , DSTV Channel 268

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