I stumbled upon a tweet earlier this week that asked about ‘the first time I knew of sex’.

Normally, I’d jump on and retweet but instead I thought, why not just write about it so I can tell you guys what’s on my mind. Also, a lot of times, many people ask about how I garner the confidence to speak on something so taboo within the African setting and yet still, at such a young age. Well let’s talk about it.

I’d say I knew of sex quite young, of its existence at least. I knew human beings had to bump genitals to make a baby real young, but I don’t think I had quite the clear picture of things up until I found some porn when I was about 11 years old.

It was white people porn, a lady and man standing while giving each other head, quite the pro 69 if you ask me, but I couldn’t make of it, I couldn’t understand the image. I didn’t understand why a woman would so comfortably and willingly fit all that junk into her mouth. The guy seemed really into it, like he was really enjoying the simultaneous give and take.

I couldn’t understand what this meant, or why they felt so good doing it, but I can confidently say that this was probably the first time I got real curious about sex.

Of course, I invited my friend over to check it out with me, it was kitambo. My mum had just bought us a DVD player and those days that was pretty cool, not many people in my neighbourhood owned one. I enjoyed looking out for new movies to watch all the time, zile siku za CD ya 100 in one, and when you borrowed a movie, you just had to return it. Ole wako stima zipotee ukiwatch porn. Hio siku inabidi uzurure na hio DVD mpaka upate place kuna stima ndio ifunguke ama you just wait at home na funny thing is, stima zilikua zinarudi saile mzazi anadai kuwatch movie pia.

Overtime I’d have more friends over to show them what I’d discovered and most times they already knew about it, so we’d watch porn and the next day, have stories to giggle about in class, especially during the science lessons where the teachers would vaguely and very shyly try to explain the human anatomy and reproductive system. I don’t know what I thought happened before I got to watch the porn, but I definitely didn’t get it.

In a way, I’d say that this was the onset of my sexual curiosity. I started reading more books and asking more questions, I don’t think we had the internet by then, simu ya jamii was 5 bob and most people went outside to make phone calls kwa booth zile za Safaricom. Only the parents owned phones, mnakumbuka ile Sony Ericsson ya antenna na Nokia 3310, those shits cost up to $400 🤣🤣🤣

Eventually, in my teenage years, I figured out there was a way to tuliza the feelings that watching porn caused. MASTURBATION. I’d see the women touch themselves sometimes and moan to it so I tried it; the first time was magical. I came and that gave me so much relief but I was so ashamed, I didn’t know why my body reacted that way or why I got so wet from it, it was definitely weird. – Kinda reminds me of that time when I found out that mafudhii hugrow mpaka kwa matako. I legit thought I was sick and needed medical attention, up until I heard my friends talk about it and realized it was among the changes in puberty. I’ve never been able to talk about this 😂😂😂😂

Eventually, I’d rub my clit so many times for fun, and to give me the relief I had become so used to. I really enjoyed the feeling.

I think I got a lot of attention as a teenager from men mainly because I had a nice perky set of rack. Always a conversation starter for them, it was all boys would talk to me about despite me lacking the proper understanding as to why or how it got them excited, I didn’t know of sexualization, I always thought it was normal for men to cat call and try to touch me, hell I didn’t even think it inappropriate. Imagine the shock when I found out that nipples could get erogenous. – I can’t make this shit up. 

Sijui kama ni naivety ama tu ushamba , or maybe I was just too sheltered. I learned most of the things I know in my early 20s and get this, I’m just 25. Still, with all the access I had to information and the opportunity to ask questions, I’ve started learning a lot of things just recently, unfortunately after I’ve already experienced most of them. 

I had sex for the first time quite early, I spoke about it on the Love and Orgasms Show, and to me, if this is anything to go by, then young people are really getting into it with little to no information and that scares me a lot.

This is why I got into the business of learning more about sex, just so I can share what I know even from experiences I’ve had. I try to help my readers understand that it’s okay to learn new things everyday and we can learn together, there’s absolutely no shame in discussing these things, no shame in hearing new things for the first time or trying out things, as long as they’re better equipped with the much-needed information.

I learned about orgasms at 23, didn’t even know those existed. Squirting? Same same, I used to think mautamu zikishika ladies hukojoa tu, and that’s from the porn I was watching. 😝

The saddest part about not having the correct information is; I always believed that sex was for men, only the boys could/ should enjoy sex because it makes them manlier while it takes away from us and brings shame. I thought that that was the only reason for women to exist, for the pleasure of men. Maybe that’s why the first time I experienced an orgasm was two years ago lol. And I can count how many I’ve had, because men don’t know enough to bring a woman to this point too. Most of them truly believe that foreplay unafaa ata ujifanyie kwa matatu before ufike mtaani 😭😭 Most times I was fichwad the truths as nobody older than me was willing to have these conversations yet I was already consistently watching porn with my teenage colleagues and wanking to it. I hadn’t even had my first kiss yet, that happened when I was like 13. 

When my blog started blowing up, I think my folks probably thought I was weird na ‘nimeharibika’ , trust me, they tried to get priests to talk to me . I’m not quite sure they’re 100% on board still, but when I bring home the money – I don’t see nobody complaining. So does me earning from what I do absolve my erotic writing from ‘ kuharibika’ within the African setting? Hmmmm

I come on here to tell you guys about my sexual experiences because I’ve always been ashamed to bring it up with those I feel could give me more information from their own experiences, I have to learn from the internet which is still risky and basically the same reason I try not to go by what my misinformed peers have to say, you never really know. 

I learned about sex like that, I’m still learning. Still figuring my body and sexuality out – so far, so good. 

It’s just funny how all these experiences and revelations have created who I’ve become, I don’t think anybody that knows me or has met me is shocked that I love to talk and write about sex, that I ended up here. Other than my need to educate and share, I’d love to dismantle the shame that comes with having these conversations. That’s why I’m here, your auntie. 

How did you learn of sex? How old were you? What would you have done differently?

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https://anchor.fm/loveandorgasms/episodes/The-first-time-I-had-sex-epk6po

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